Self-Loathing

Man I wish I had the time to express my disdain for my own folk. I don't even know where to start. But with all of the bullshit surrounding the collective lives of African-Americans, you'd think our time would be constructively consumed with empowering others, solution seeking and troubleshooting issues that continue to plagues our people...BEFORE I CONTINUE, im probably guilty too of having my priorities selfishly all over the place while my brothers-in-arms are gunned down in the street for less than nothing...so forgive me...and crazy enough, i think thats part of the reason why I dont indulge in typical negro activity. its not uppity. its just that. i desire perspective. i really wanna know how life is on the other side of the fence; to live in a world where worry is an anomaly...i hate sounding like the angry black guy, especially the angry black guy that continues to close my eyes and hope for a better tomorrow, but i cant help it. truth is, im guilty of having all of the answers and not dedicating the thought to any positive action. the solution is way bigger than any salary or education can provide...and it bothers me that in 2015 we continue to set ourselves back and allow the influence of defective outsiders (those that cannot relate to the black experience due to overwhelming ignorance and refuse to seek perspective) to force us to react instead of being proactive. good grief. its way too late for me to be tryna be so deep. my next post will focus more on amber rose twerk videos and upcoming sneaker release dates, promise.

Fluff

I love it here in Houston. My time spent here so far has provided some of the best moments of my life and has also dilvuged equally the amount of pain & suffering. For all it's worth, I wouldn't trade or change ANYTHING. I've maintained employment. I've been categorically homeless. I've been able to mature tremendously...and that came by force, sadly enough. My time here has been a perfect storm of highs and lows. And I appreciate that, greatly. Shifting gears, one thing I was not ready for was how real it is out here. The things you see on First 48 being played out in the comfort of your suburban-DC loft really, really happens. I've seen a murder happen before my eyes -- literally watched a man walk up to a car and fire three shots into the passenger window, killing whoever was riding shotgun (too soon, I apologize). I witnessed a car slam into an 18-wheeler. I've been caught in the middle of a flash-flood. I once saw a man taking a shit in the grass at a bus stop on the "good" side of town. I saw a crackhead OD. Needless to say, I find "Nightcrawler" to be THAT much more intriguing. One of the more less-than-stellar (to say the absolute least) events that has occurred was...well, I'll paint the picture. My gf/fiance/heart/moon&stars/mushymushymushytitlehere, who I often get fed up with for her emotional outbursts among other things that you endure in the name of love, was held at gunpoint at her place of employment. Picture Park Place (in Norfolk) with the land area of... And I sit here writing this, my gf is at work. and has just got robbed. again. the rage i am feeling is unreal.