Crossroads

(watching 1000 Ways to Die & Breaking Bad currently; bird flu on one channel, meth labs and murder on another) I love my niece. Saw my sister give birth to her and lived through every minute of it in the room right next too her. ESPN was on, so I was about to rock wit it. She came out without a peep...dry as a bone...her hair swooped like she'd been looking at her reflection off the placenta the whole time. Completely blew my mind from what I expected. ------- I'm not in the business of leading the ones I care about and love the most astray. I cannot afford to not have that person (in general) out of my life for whatever reason and I will work to keep them a major part of my life...to what extent varies from person to person, but generally speaking... *Pause for the cause...Christoph Waltz is on Charlie Rose -- DOPE* All things considered, I don't mind the sacrifice, but I do care about reciprocation. I refuse to explain it. If you have to wonder about it...don't. I know what my problem is but...I struggle with actually classifying it as the problem it is versus the option it serves. Options and choices are the meat & potatoes of life. Its why you choose to take showers before going on a date...why instead of purchasing raw meat to devour in its current state, we cook it through. Decisions, built on the foundation of options and choices weighed on a scale of the mind. For the things and people I want, the choice to do what is right to maintain and/or establish those relationships IS a no-brainer...but if it aint in your heart to do it, you're better off sticking to your guns and hoping for the best...expecting the worst (if we keepin it 100)...and accepting fate. I aint bout that life. If you're reading this and facing this dilemma (as I continue to consume my own medicine) trust that your outcome is indeed what you want and pursue it relentlessly, not expecting things to go the way you want them to, but knowing that you'll be satisfied with the decision(s) you made to reach your goal. Of course...the actual "goals" vary from person to person...from situation to situation. ------- While I do love my niece...I find myself wondering what would my life be like had the outcome of my decisions came into fruition. At the same time I am aware that there is a plan for my life that does not include children at this time. We are growing adults and knowing this is a bit of a liberation from what society accepts from us. Our lives should mirror our goals not what the world deems acceptable to attain and detest. I tip my hat to my sister for raising my niece up to who she is, as well as her Dad (if not him more than her anyway)...but I will cross the road once my decisions begin to build up consistently towards my ultimate goal(s). Integrity and follow-through... Let your yeas be your yeas; your nays your nays. This is mad incomplete by the way, So much that needs to be said.