RELATIONSHIPS. This will probably be my longest post yet.
***THE TOPIC BEING BLOGGED IS COMPOSED OF MY OPINIONS BASED OFF OF MY OWN EXPERIENCES***
I'm apologize ahead of time...but I have been dodging and answering questions left & right in the arena of MY RELATIONSHIPS...so to keep everything objective, and to not put anyone else out, I'll just deal with me, and give my interpretations.
First off...I am a fan of relationships. HUGE fan. Nothing like jogging through a neighborhood and seeing a couple walking their dog. It gives me hope. I believe that a man (from a male heterosexual-male perspective)can seek & find happiness in anything he wants to find that joy in anywhere in the world, but only a woman (and by woman in this sense I mean friend, confidante, soul-mate, etc.) can do for a man what no friend, relative, pet or therapist could do on a good day for her man. Anyone who has known me the majority of the past 3-4 years knows that I have steady been in & out of relationships, the longest being 1 year.
(I swear.....................this is the last time I'm going down this road lol)
I am the type of person to blame myself for something before I blame someone else...in any situation. I know I can take it. I can bear the brunt of the worst situation in any relationship, because to me, its life. Shit happens, and I've dealt with far worse. I am not perfect. I do not have everything I want, but I have everything I need (you'll see where this comes into play later). In all of my relationships, I have exhausted all efforts (within my means) to the utmost...sacrificing my money, time, grades, my health, my job, friendships with good friends, my integrity, and a laundry list of other things. I don't expect to be given the world on a silver platter, but I do expect to get what I've given, as far as equal effort is concerned, in any case. Out of my last 4 relationships, I'd say I got that 2 out of 4 times. What can I say? No one's perfect. None of my ex's are bad, evil people. In fact, I am good friends with most of em. Some others I choose not to speak to...personal choice, nothing more or less. But with each breakup, I'm always left wondering..."what did/didnt I do to/for you (if anything) that made you want to part ways?" Instead of taking the "Why Me?" approach, I've decided to take a different look at each situation to see, to me, what the deal really was...and what I was able to conclude was ASTOUNDING...
Actually, it wasn't THAT astounding, the word "ASTOUNDING" in caps just sounds like money to me lol
I was able to find similarities in 3 out of my 4 past relationships, and in one way or another it boiled down to MONEY, being SPOILED, lack of mental capacity to maintain a level of maturity, and a lack of consideration. Now..............anyone who knows me, knows me, KNOWS I am an old soul. I can't help it. I like to hold on to all things original, simple and genuine. From the music I like, to the spots I like to hang out at, I lead a very conservative yet unpredictable life. I'm not a bore...it's not in my personality to be a boring person. But furthermore, I am old-school when it comes down to how to treat a lady. I won't get into the details, but I'm well-versed in that regard. Relationships to me are much like a job that I love to go to work for everyday (might as well be clocking in everyday I wake up in a relationship lol)...but I love the WORK of a relationship. Relationships aren't peaches & cream 24/7 and often times require thick skin, but at this point in the game, we should all know this.
All of that said, an all things considered...as stated earlier, I wanted to consider other factors that subsequently led to my breakups. After much thought, discussion and consideration, all roads led to roles in the relationship from a FINANCIAL and MENTAL standpoint. Feel me on this...
DISAPPOINTMENT.
I have a small theory about my peers (21-25 years old) that, I think, holds a bit of weight. Think about it............If you were to cut the radio on, turn on the TV and watch the majority of music videos, or follow closely the lives of adorned celebrities, there is one common denominator -- MONEY, and the ability to use & abuse it. Alas, whether I believe these overpaid, overrated celebs abuse their own money, they most certainly LIVE WITHIN THEIR OWN MEANS. I find often, not only in my experiences, but the situations of my peers, that more & more we are living outside of our means. Today's mainstream entertainers (music) make a killing off of rapping & singing about it being ok to spend tons of amounts of money on frivolous items and trinkets that depreciate in value, in hopes to make members of the opposite sex happy -- in this case, men spending that money on women. They sell their fans widely unfathomable dreams of success and wealth without including the middle-man of how to get to their status (which often involves drugs...right). When it comes to all of this, especially in today's society, I AM OLD SCHOOL. I do NOT believe in trickin, however I am a big supporter of coming up with different ways to show your affection & appreciation for who you're with. NEWSFLASH.....................that doesn't always have to include money lol. That said, I am not opposed to spending money on the lady in my life. But when it gets tot he point where you (the woman in this case) EXPECT certain things, just because of a relationship title, I'm gonna ask you to prove to me why you think you're obligated to have these things. In 2 of my 4 relationships, the breakup was over not being satisfied from a money standpoint and lack of effort. I had one of my ex's straight-up tell me that she liked another dude and wanted to fuck wit him over me, not because of he looked better or was a better gentleman, but simply because he had more money than me. I guess helping her with her own bills, feeding her, and sacrificing my own health, grades and my job wasn't enough. Go figure.
FRUSTRATION.
The other situation was interesting, and without divulging ALL of the details, basically, because I was told that I wasn't thoughtful enough (I guess) and didn't show to her that I appreciated her, and I was given the boot. Honestly, there isn't a point to elaborate on this too much because I'm not going to air my dirty laundry, in detail, on a public blog, and for respect for the individual. Our relationship was great, for the most part. But if you ask me my opinion, "lack of effort" was the sacrificial scapegoat in the grand-scheme of things. Sure, I could have done a few things different here & there, but lack of effort?? And in such short of time?? I mean...it was a couple of months. I beg to differ. In fact, the day she broke up with me, I bought her some very nice jewelry of her birthstone and had a trip to DC paid for to visit some museums...I was even gonna surprise her and celebrate later about a job I just got that day AND new car................but she broke up with me. lol. it was supposed to be a surprise, but not so much I guess. Funny how things work out. At this point though, it was probably best we were able to agree to disagree and go our separate ways. I've never had anyone question my effort in anything, which is another reason, of many, why I'm skeptical about her reasoning behind the break up. No hard feelings though. That's life...
THE PROMISE...HOPE.
I have come to the conclusion, considering my own experiences, that I am not equipped to fully support a relationship. In my past relationships, I have done things that I wouldn't want done to me...I've cheated HORRIBLY, at times I'd just shut myself off for a few hours (which can feel like an eternity for the other person), an I too, was inconsiderate. It's not that I don't want to settle down, now just isn't the time for me to be doing that. Acting off of feelings alone for a person at this point, for me, would be premature and pointless. I wanna do my own thing. I don't wanna share because the relationships says I have to, I don't wanna answer to anyone else, and more than anything, I am not satisfied with where I am at this point in my life. I wanna go to law school, I still (and will) plan on joining the military, and honestly, I just want to go as I please. I am a good judge of character, and I am in no rush to seek & find my partner. It all goes well, we'll both simultaneously come to the conclusion that we can't stand to be without each other, and we will grind through the ups & downs to make it work under any circumstances. That's a ways down the road, if you ask me. But when the time is right for me to settle down, I'll be more than ready & willing, and she will have no room for complaints.
Until then...................pass that dutch and enjoy the tunes, fool.
No comments:
Post a Comment